How time zooms by, eh? I mean, it feels like a day ago when Hen and Colin came to TO to help me pack up. Everything was so crazy disorganized. The night we went to pickle barrel...the morning of the actual move...insanity. And now I'm going back after a beautiful summer of freedom.

I am depressed. The idea of so much work and all the stress and how I feel incompetant but everyone gets mad when I address these thoughts because I've won scholarships...ah it all is torture.

Today .......I woke up a little early with some commotion. Last night I had made a pile of clothes for Mum to wash and he had gone and thrown them in my closet, screwing it all up. So I got up and remade the pile and went back to sleep. Then Dad comes in later and says he'll book a flight for Mum to come with me when I move. I said no, I'd rather her come visit in October or November to give me a tidbit of home later on. Then he was like...I can't promise that which made me literally bawl/get hysterical because like, uh, if the $$ is going to be spent why does it matter when the date is? Anyway, it's all resolved now I think.

My finger was still achy. I did some scrapbooking - just the gluing and stickering on the wedding page...I will add the writing tommorrow.

Ate loads of those triangles that my Mum made. Delicious. With that spicy sauce, yum....

Hung out with the parentals while they were watching a movie. I read one of the books I bought yesterday: Women on the verge of a breakdown...or some title like that. LOL.

Anddd that's ma day.

I'm sitting in my room, like I've done for years, at the computer, and it's the last night I'll be doing so for a good while.

I cannot believe I'm actually leaving tommorrow.

I cannot believe I'm actually doing this.

I just want to stay here, and stay a kid and just be spoiled. There is so much to do. Too much to do. I don't know if I can handle it.

22 years of life, and tommorrow everything is different.

This will be my first random commentary of DH. A more coherent review will follow tommorrow.

( Spoilers: DEATHLY HALLOWS random spewage )

Once you have read this meme, there's no turning back. Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits from a book written 35 years ago by an astrologist's predictions. Read your sign, then forward it on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line, This is real deal, try ignoring it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning - and it only gets worse from there.

( The signs )

This is what I am facing:

Tuesday -
Biology & Human Society Final(9 Chapters)
Wednesday -
Psychology Final (5 Chapters)
Thursday -
Biophysics Final (11 Chapters)
Monday -
Applied Biology (14 Chapters)
Tuesday -
Community Biology (Too many chapters to count)

Umm, anything important lately?

No.

Also, am being very tired lately. Four months of being worn out completely is catching up eek!

Stress does not become me.

the world has gone crazy.

everything's changed, and ive been living the last two weeks as a zombie where day after day there is worry and upset.

thus, i haven't been online, and probably won't be for sometime.

Slept away most of the remainder of the long week. This frivolous use of time will surely come back to bite me in the bum, but seeing as I won't have much time for sleep in the next two weeks, I might as well have saved up some sleep hours to make up for that upcoming sleep debt.

Have decided to start watching Brothers & Sisters more than just passively. Awesome show. Sunday night is definitely my favourite night for TV (Simpsons, American Dad, Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters).

Laura came over today to do our lab report, we wasted two hours just laughing. I swear, I'm never so amused as when she and I combine our craziness. Well aside from when Ingrid and I combine our craziness. Craziness is key.

Time goes way too fast.

I'm so terrified of change.

When I started university, at 18, I was so pissed to be still in this town. All I wanted was to start Dental School and become a dentist and never have to stay in this city. And now, almost finished my undergraduate, I want precisely that. I want to stay here. I don't want to change.

I am terrified of Dental school.

I used to have such arrogance when I was in highschool. Arrogance about my abilities, about my capabilities, and university really took that away - it made me a stresscase, always doubting.

For the last little while I've sort of floated around, ignoring the possibilities of next year. But it is very, very real that next year - my life may be completely different. I've lived 21 years the same, give or take certain things, and next year might be a completely different thing than ever before.

I am scared.

I am terrified.

I wish I could just stop time.

I don't think I'm ready to grow up.

By April I will convocate. I will be a Bachelor of Science. How effing effed is that. And after that? Dental school? Can I handle it? Am I capable?

I'm just a girl. Not a Doctor.

I would love to be as assured and confident and foolhardy as I was at 18.

Sometimes I feel as if I'm lost, stuck in a time of my life that now is years past.

I've been listening to a lot of The Corrs' songs on youtube.com, mainly because I'm too lazy to find my CDs or download songs, and I realised that when I listen to "Radio" a few things happen:

1) I feel as if it's their "new" song, when it fact, gosh, well it's been released for what six-seven years?

2) Some part of me still feels as if I'm in that time frame, that Grade Nine timeframe. I was standing in my room just then, and the music was drifting through the room, and I felt as if I was 14/15 again. I could almost turn and open my closet and be greeted by the clothes I had then - that dark magenta and lighter pink butterfly baseball T that was my favourite, that sheer purple flowery top I liked so much, that bright red shirt from England ... I felt as if I was in the middle of an evening and I could call Lyndsay up - and I'd see Erin and Amy in homeroom the next day. It was a fleeting moment, but so ... so ... real.

I know it sounds odd, but sometimes I feel as I'm so close to those moments that I can almost reach them. Christmas time at Lyndsay's house, mall excursions, getting ready for a dance while listening to J.Lo's latest hit on my CD player. It's like as if I sort of feel as if those days are not past, but still there, and I can go back to them at any point - but then I try to reach for them and I can't go back.

Those days are really, really gone.

I guess after Grade 9, time seemed to fly by, there was a sort of mindless routine that overtook those earlier days when I was figuring out who I was and learning so much, so quickly.

Things were so simple then ... so young ... so innocent. Life will never as uncomplicated again.

I guess as I face making decisions on my future, and dealing with an ex who I still adore and who continues to perplex me with what he wants, and just basically the difficulty of this big, grown up world, I'm slowly coming to the dawning realisation that childhood is really over, and this isn't just some random dream or optional path I'm taking for the time being.

And whoa, is that ever terrifying.

Ended up going into Uni early today so I could scrounge up some books on my Aquatic Environment topic. I had two classes following that - of which Classics was actually such a laugh. The people of athens had a myth about how they arose from divine beings. Basically this one God, lame in one leg, attempted to rape his sister, who out ran him and he ejaculated on her leg. She wiped off the semen and from that arose the people of Athens.

Our Prof finished this by remarking, "What a proud and noble beginning."

Maybe you had to be there.

Went into the lab for a bit after that, then came on home. Napped for a bit, talked to Ingrid for a notoriously long time on the phone, and then ate DELICIOUS chinese takeout with the family.

Yum.

Laura then called me and told me she had managed to get me a ticket to the cocktail party for free (When I decided to buy a ticket yesterday I found out they were all sold out) - ahhh I was so exciting! It's supposed to be this hugely fun dressy affair! With 1001 cocktails - all you can drink LOL.

The somewhat-crush will also be there.

After she gave me that good news, I ate my fortune cookie which read, "Be prepared to receive something special!"

Spooky! :D

Studied for a bit, ughh - and am watching numb3rs right now.

Interesting Friday.

Ugh. School starts tommorrow.

The only good thing was Big brother today, and even that left me a little dissapointed with Howie and also strangely s

Back from England. Horribly Depressed. Missing everyone so much.

( Big Brother Episode 4 )

In other news:

1) Date went well - not going to discuss much more other than this right now XD
2) Going through a stress period again. Ugh.
3) Saw Pirates last monday, it was good, I enjoyed it. But after it was over I saw how it was more gimmicky than I thought, and decided the first was much, much better.

Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Parvati Patil
For: fanfic100

( Big Damn Table for fanfic100 )

Stolen from many a LJ friend:

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now.	× I don't watch much TV these days.	✓ I own lots of books.  (I also have a habit of buying books and never reading them. All in the sake of the want to have a library in my future house.)
✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses.  (Not really, but i have a set of 'reading glasses' for one of my eyes. o_O)	✓ I love to play video games.  (Legend of Zelda :D)	× I've tried marijuana.
× I've watched porn movies.	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	× I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes.  (I try to stop!)	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.  (Not sure, perhaps.)	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

( it goes on... )